After the bust I was placed on pre-trial probation and had to submit to random drug testing. The courts began to conduct a pre-trial investigation. My attorney had filed for discovery of facts, which revealed to us that they already knew who my supplier was.

By this time my gym had been in operation for almost three years. That entire time was a complete blur, but even so, I still knew that something was missing. I wasn't happy.

I thought winning trophies, owning a gym and having lots of girlfriends would bring me the contentment I was seeking. It didn't. When I reached one level, I would be satisfied for awhile, but it never lasted. I needed more, so I would go to the next level. Whether it was money or a new girlfriend or a different drug, it didn't bring me the peace and satisfaction I was looking for.

So after you have done everything you have ever wanted to do with your life, where do you go from there? I had no idea. At one point I had thought that sex, money, and a nice body were the only things that mattered, but the more I got of each of these, the more empty I felt.

I began using more alcohol. My life began to fall apart quickly. I let even the little things go, like renewing my driver's license. The local cops caught up with me, not once, but three times for driving without a license. I walked on the first offense, but they threw me in jail for 10 days on the second offense and gave me 30 days for the third.

The very day I got out of jail on the second offense, I had to go before the federal court on the steroid charges. I was sentenced to three years' probation, 200 hours of community service, and drug aftercare. Even though I was being random drug-tested for pot and steroids I still continued to drink.

When it was time to serve my 30 days for the third driving offense, I surrendered myself to the county jail. I met a guy in there who was in for the same thing I was - driving without a license. He was in the cell next to mine.

I remember the day they brought him in. He had a big smile on his face. I thought it was strange that he was smiling. Later, I found out why. He was a Christian. To him, it didn't matter where he was. He had Christ with him.

We began passing notes back and forth through a small hole in the steel wall that separated our cells.

In one of my notes I told him that I wanted to stop using alcohol and drugs, but another part of me wanted to continue to use. I was so lost by this time that I even told him that just the thought of continuing to use felt as though it brought peace to my heart. I knew that seemed twisted, but it was the only way that I could express myself. I told him that I knew it shouldn't and that God should. It had to be Satan deceiving me! 

I told him that I felt like I was stuck in the middle. I had been on both sides of the fence and knew what was right and what was wrong, but I told him that I didn't have a big desire to follow the right path! 

He wrote me back and said:

Listen - following the "Right Path" isn't easy. It's not supposed to be. If sin weren't "fun" no one would desire it so! I'm not sure if this is going to mean anything to you - coming from me - but you have a tremendous amount of potential within you. I'm not talking about bodybuilding either.

God is dealing with you right now - you must accept that. He at this moment is allowing you to see your "shortcomings." Satan - on the other hand - is probably trying to make you believe that you are worthless. But through God all things are possible! He desires your presence!

What you've got to do right now is determine for whom you want to live your life! You don't have to go to God "clean" - you go to Him "dirty," with all of your problems - habits, whatever - let him help you rid your life of anything not pleasing to him or you.

He will give you the strength! God is your only hope! Don't let Satan cloud your vision! I can feel his presence right now just as much as I can feel God's! There is definitely a spiritual battle going on right at this exact minute!! Don't think any differently! I'm praying for you right now that Satan will be bound and God will prevail! I believe in you.

We continued to pass notes back and forth through that little hole in the steel wall that night. He had written some verses out for me to look up in the Bible. I'd been given a New Testament at the jail's church services the day before. 

I began to research the Bible on my own. It had a guide in the front part of it that showed you where you could find teachings about some of life's problems. Topics were listed alphabetically. The word "Drunkenness" caught my eye. I quickly turned to the verses to take a look:

And take heed to yourselves, lest at any time your hearts be overcharged with surfeiting, and drunkenness, and cares of this life, and so that day come upon you unawares.

For as a snare shall it come on all them that dwell on the face of the whole earth.

Watch ye therefore, and pray always, that ye may be accounted worthy to escape all these things that shall come to pass, and to stand before the Son of man.
- Luke 21:34-36

It pierced my spirit like a double-edged sword! I thought to myself, "I'm not ready!" 

I quickly flipped to the back of the book. There was "The Invitation." I read it slowly and completely, not skipping a single word. When I didn't understand what I was reading, I read it again. 

I decided to receive Christ as my savior. I decided I had put him off long enough - I got down on my knees and prayed. Finally, I had found what I needed - Jesus Christ, and his forgiveness for my sins.

Just a baby holding on to a lamb.